Embracing Our Regrets in Life . . . 2021

December 21, 2021

A few years ago we penned a letter to our limited partners close to the year and celebrate the holiday season. The subject of the letter was “regret minimization.” It’s a topic we were exploring because money management is very much about regret minimization. Position sizing is rarely exact; greed and fear often results in money managers owning either too little or too much of an investment. Sure we can (and do) apply mathematical ratios/calculations to help size positions, but the assumptions underpinning those formulas are still tinged with the human element. Nevertheless we persist, and we try to balance greed and fear so that we can dial-in an acceptable risk/reward for our portfolios.

Regret minimization also applies to life. It’s something Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon has spoken about before, a mental framework he adopted before leaving his comfortable job to start Amazon. In balancing the risks and rewards of life he said . . .

“I knew that when I was 80 I was not going to regret having tried this. I was not going to regret trying to participate in this thing called the Internet that I thought was going to be a really big deal. I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret the, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried.”

In that vein, we thus sent out a missive, and given the tumultuous 2021, thought we’d share that letter (edited in part) to our readers (old and new), to remind ourselves that while we’re focused intently and diligently on money matters, finances, the macro/micro economy, and resource accumulation to help live our lives, that we don’t inadvertently forget to live our lives and live it fully. So with that, we present . . . a letter about minimizing life’s regrets.

Dear Limited Partners,

Last year as the holidays approached we sent out a quick missive wishing you all a wonderful and safe holiday season. In contrast to the usual letter of holiday cheer, we briefly described an article that we’d come across and found interesting in the past year. As 2018 approached we had actually prepared a similar letter, and then came to the conclusion that the article selected may have been perhaps ill-suited given the holiday festivities, so we refrained from sending it out.

As we recently marked our three year anniversary (and as we sit in the bright sunshine of a sunny California summer day), we thought we’d continue our “tradition” and send the letter out now. Although our timing is a bit late, the sentiment remains. We’re hoping that it helps you to gain some perspective and remind you of what makes a person’s life rich and rewarding (beyond the normal financial measures).

In this letter we wanted to share with you some insights in an article written by Bronnie Ware. Some of you may know Ms. Ware as she’s an internationally renowned author. For those unfamiliar with Ms. Ware, she’s based in Australia and was formerly a palliative caregiver who’d written an article that was later turned into a best-selling memoir. As portfolio managers, when dealing with probabilistic scenarios we’ve always found it helpful to invert questions before answering them, and when the topic centers around a life well-lived, it’s not only helpful to ask “how do I live a happy life,” but also “what do people regret the most at the end of life?” It’s always best to know where some of the potholes in life are and fortunately we have Ms. Ware’s experience as a guide.

In the article she wrote about five of the most common regrets her patients experienced in the end, and we thought we’d share them with you. Here they are (along with her observations):

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

(This is the most common regret of all . . . it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.)

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

(This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret . . . . By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.)

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

(Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming . . . speaking honestly . . . it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.)

4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

(It all comes down to love and relationships in the end.)

5.  I wish that I had let myself be happier.

(Many did not realise . . . that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.)

What’s surprising to us about the five regrets is that they’re so commonly shared, which means many people, despite their disparate lives, are tethered to some core truths about how to live a life well-lived (or at the very least how to live one on your own terms, with fewer regrets).  The source of these insights also let’s us appreciate their importance because in the end when the din of our daily busy lives fade away, five simple things (i.e., living well, living freely, living honestly, spending our lives surrounded by friends and family, and living happily) are what truly matters.

We think Ms. Ware described it best when she wrote “Life is a choice.  It is YOUR life.  Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.  Choose happiness.”  We couldn’t have found a more apropos quote to end this note with, so we’ll leave it at that. 

As we head towards the holiday season, however, wherever, or whomever you choose to spend the remaining days of 2021 with, we wish you a truly safe, prosperous and merry time.

Be well . . . and be happy.

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